Natsume Soseki, The Three-Cornered World.

THE GAMES ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Bullying

*is a form of abuse, and bullies often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet, using threats. What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. Rejection is another powerful motivator of bullying.

*constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature - the triviality, regularity and frequency betray bullying; often there is a grain of truth in the criticism to fool you into believing the criticism has validity, which it does not; often, the criticism is based on distortion, misrepresentation or fabrication

*simultaneous with the criticism, a constant refusal to acknowledge you and your contributions and achievements or to recognise your existence and value

*constant attempts to undermine you and your worth, value and potential
where you are in a group, being singled out and treated differently

*being belittled, demeaned and patronised, especially in front of others

*being humiliated in front of others

*finding that your work - and the credit for it - is stolen and plagiarised

*finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented

How do I recognise a bully?

*silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict

*is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg guilt and anger)

*excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)

*always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the bully's position

*Jekyll & Hyde nature - vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target sees both sides

*is a convincing, compulsive liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment

*uses lots of charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present; the motive of the charm is deception and its purpose is to compensate for lack of empathy
relies on mimicry to convince others that they are a “normal” human being but their words, writing and deeds are hollow, superficial and glib

*exhibits unusual inappropriate attitudes to sexual matters or sexual behaviour; underneath the charming exterior there are often suspicions or intimations of sexual harassment, sex discrimination or sexual abuse (sometimes racial prejudice as well)

*exhibits much controlling behaviour

*displays a compulsive need to criticise whilst simultaneously refusing to acknowledge, value and praise others

*often has an overwhelming need to portray themselves as a wonderful, kind, caring and compassionate person, in contrast to their behaviour and treatment of others; the bully is oblivious to the discrepancy between how they like to be seen (and believe they are seen), and how they are actually seen

 *Having a disordered personality: an aggressive but intelligent individual who expresses their violence psychologically (constant criticism etc) rather than physically (assault).

*manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the bully's game

*is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralising and destroying anyone who can see through the bully's mask

*at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the bully accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements

*pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the bully, or who makes efforts to hold the bully accountable

* persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the bullygains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict

*once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction

*when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the bully's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish

 *the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction

*is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off

*exploits anyone who has a vulnerability

*is pushy and extremely persuasive

*is incapable of sustaining intimacy

* has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest

*is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties

1) How do bullies select their targets?

The bully selects their target using the following criteria:

*having a well-defined set of values which you are unwilling to compromise

*having a strong sense of integrity (bullies despise integrity, for they have none, and seem compelled to destroy anyone who has integrity)

*having at least one vulnerability that can be exploited

*refusing to join an established clique

*showing independence of thought or deed
 
*Jealousy (of relationships and perceived exclusion therefrom) and envy (of talents, abilities, circumstances or possessions) are strong motivators of bullying.

2) Events that trigger bullying

Bullying starts after one of these events:

*the previous target leaves

*you may have unwittingly become the focus of attention whereas before the bully was the centre of attention - most bullies are emotionally immature and thus crave attention

*obvious displays of respect or trust from others

*blowing the whistle on incompetence, malpractice, fraud,

*challenging the status quo, especially unwittingly

For further information on bullying,visit these websites :

http://www.bullyonline.org/index.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/action/index.htm (action to tackle bullying (UK))

http://www.wiredsafety.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

http://www.cyberbullying.us

All cruelty springs from weakness.

~Seneca

The truth is incontrovertible; malice may attack it, ignorance my deride it, but in the end, there it is.

~Winston Churchill

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it.

~Martin Luther King